The Power of the Flair
by vivredanssabulle
Summary: Emmett discovers Facebook Flair. It wouldn't be so bad except that he thinks that he's supposed to do what the Flair says. What does this mean for the Cullen's and everyone else? “Pants are always optional”
1. The Result of Boredom

Emmett plopped down in his favorite seat by the window. The thing he liked most about this class was that it was so easy. Of course, it was easy to begin with, but being a vampire made it more than that. He wiggled the mouse and the screen came to life. With a quick flick of his wrist he had entered his username and password. 'Welcome back Emmett Cullen!' flashed across the screen.

"The bell has rung. Please, take your seats!" Mr. Green called across the room. While the rest of the class took their seats, Emmett signed into AIM. Rose's Anatomy class was working on reports in the computer lab today, and Emmett had made her promise to sign in and talk to him.

Mr. Green began writing the directions for today's assignment on the board. All week long they had been working on creating spread sheets in Excel. They had to create a fake business and product. Then they had to compare the sales of their product over a period of time with other students in the class. Emmett was selling Grizzly Bear Heads for a taxidermy shop called Heads and Junk.

He drummed his fingers loudly waiting for Rose to sign in.

"…comparing your data with your classmates for the remaining part of class. Now you may get to work." Emmett looked around the room. Everyone was hunched over their computers. Green must not have meant now, he thought.

Emmett looked back at his screen just as Rosalie signed in.

vamppsRcool: its about time!

vamppsRcool: what took you so long?

lovemyBMW: I was finishing up my report.

vamppsRcool: oh. have you seen edward today

lovemyBMW: No, but I think he went somewhere with Jasper. Why?

vamppsRcool: jw i saw bella with newter tooters this morning

lovemyBMW: …

vamppsRcool: … what

lovemyBMW: … As in you're telling me this why?

vamppsRcool: bc well i dunno i guess i just thought you would wanna hear about the dram before it all goes down

lovemyBMW: Dram?

vamppsRcool: ya the DRAMa

LetsGoShopping: What drama?

lovemyBMW: Nothing worth reporting. Emmett just saw Swan talking to Newton this morning.

vamppsRcool: hey alice have you seen edikins

LetsGoShopping: He and Jasper went for a quick hunt. They should be back by the end of the day. Hmm, you're right Rose. I see nothing coming from it.

vamppsRcool: aww man and they went without me?

lovemyBMW: Do you need to go hunting?

vamppsRcool: no

LetsGoShopping: He just wanted to get out of class.

vamppsRcool: and so what if i did

LetsGoShopping: Hey Rose, do you want to go to the mall after school? There's this big sale I want to check out.

vamppsRcool: yaaawwwwwwn boring

lovemyBMW: Sure. Emmett, you could use a few new shirts. Care to join us?

vamppsRcool: oh yaaa right

LetsGoShopping: And just what is that supposed to mean?

vamppsRcool: it means i have to go finish my report. mr. green is giving me dirty looks

LetsGoShopping: No he isn't.

Emmett closed the window, and signed out before either of the girls could send him another message. As much as he loved Rosalie, he really didn't feel like spending another day shopping with her and Alice. He shuddered at the memory of the last time he had gotten dragged to a sale. He ended up sitting on a bench in the middle of the mall for seven hours while the girls piled up bags all around him.

With still forty minutes until the end of class, Emmett signed into his Myspace. For the last two months he had been friend requesting everyone he possibly could. He ended up in a bet with Edward over who could get the most friends. Jasper had his money on Edward, said his wife wouldn't steer him wrong.

Emmett clicked on Edward's page. He hadn't signed in since last week. He was behind by nearly two-thousand. Emmett couldn't see Edward getting enough friends in the next week and a half to beat him. He was always too busy with Bella anyways.

"No, but she like met him on Facebook. He started poking her and sending her bumper stickers. That led to some sort of conversation and then they like totally hooked up."

"No way!"

"Yes way! She's such a total skag!"

Emmett listened in as the two girls nearest him gossiped. He wondered what kind of website Facebook was. The girl they were talking about had met a lot of dirty men on there. That didn't seem to keep them from going on it though.

The blonde girl lowered her voice.

"Oh and I totally made an EC account last night. I made me his number two."

"No way! Accept me!"

"Oh girl you know I will. You'll have to settle for number three though."

"Do you think Bella has an account?"

"She does now."

So, Bella was on this site with the dirty men. Emmett opened Internet Explorer and went straight to the Google website. He did a search for facebook. It returned one direct match. He clicked on it. The screen loaded, asking him to login. He pondered for a moment whether he should create an account or not. Of course he should! He was Emmett Cullen after all.

After he had typed in all of his information and registered, he logged in. He went straight to the search bar and typed in Bella Swan.

His search returned one result for Fork's High School. There just to the left of her name was a picture of Bella sitting with Edward at lunch. He could see himself in the far left corner of the picture. Upon closer inspection he noticed that this picture was taken last Thursday. He knew it was Thursday because Alice said it was supposed to snow after lunch so he wore the sweater that Rosalie had laid out for him.

He clicked on her name. He waited impatiently as her page loaded. There wasn't very much to it. It listed her birthday, relationship status, school and a few other things. She had one friend, Edward. Edward was on this thing too? He clicked on Edward's name. His page was about as bare as Bella's. The only other thing on the page was something called Bumper Sticker Application. He clicked it, and began reading.


	2. I Dressed Myself Today

"This is going to look so cute with my Jimmy Choos. I can't wait to wear it!"

Emmett hastily shut his lap top as Rosalie and Alice walked through the front door.

"It really will," Rosalie replied. They were a picture of sheer perfection as they floated into the living room. They were each carrying a large number of bags, which a human would have found impossible to bear.

"Oh Emmett, I'm glad you're here," Rosalie said as she pulled a baby blue knit sweater from one of her bags. There were two horizontal white strips going across the chest.

"I got this for you to wear tomorrow." Emmett took the sweater from Rose's outstretched hand. It was light, soft and almost fluffy. He held the sweater up in front of him. It reminded him of babies and rainbows.

"Well go ahead, try it on."

Emmett looked at Rose, and then to Alice who gave him an encouraging nod. He didn't much want to wear a shirt that was so fluffy that it easily could have been made for a girl. He slipped it over his head anyways, as Rose was now glaring at him. Once the shirt was on he couldn't even feel the weight of the fabric. If he ever got cold, it would probably be while wearing this sweater.

Alice clapped her hands together.

"It looks just like I pictured it would!"

How had Alice pictured it to look? Emmett felt like his level of masculinity was dropping by means of this sweater, if you could really even call it that.

As if he couldn't feel any worse about it, Esme walked through the door.

"Emmett dear, that sweater goes wonderfully with your facial structure."

His fluffy, baby blue sweater, that screamed I have not sense of pride, matched his face? It was official; there was no way he would ever be caught dead wearing this sweater again. He took one quick look at the girls before him and then bolted out the front door.

The next morning Emmett stood in his closet for almost an hour trying to decide which shirt he would wear. He took so long deciding that even Rosalie and Alice were ready before him.

Edward walked in the closet, pulled a shirt off the hanger closest to him, and threw it at Emmett.

"We're going to be late."

Emmett let the shirt hit the floor.

"Just one more second."

"You know Rosalie is going to kill you."

Emmett turned around and looked at Edward. The expression on his face was nothing short of confused. How did Edward know about that? He hadn't been thinking about it, had he?

"Bro you haven't thought about anything but that. Now seriously pick something."

Jasper appeared in the door behind Edward.

"Rosalie and Alice sent me up here to see what was taking so long. They want to know why you aren't wearing the sweater that they bought for you."

"He isn't wearing it because he buried it," Edward replied.

"Shhh or they'll hear you!" Emmett whispered. He reached for a simple black t-shirt and pulled it quickly over his head.

"He buried a sweater? Why?" Jasper asked.

Edward laughed for a moment before responding.

"It um, was a bit feminine for his tastes."

"Leave me alone," Emmett whined.

"Are you serious? It took you an hour to pick out a black t-shirt?" Jasper asked as he turned around and headed towards the bedroom door.

"It's because Rosalie dresses him. He doesn't know how to do it himself," Edward joked.

"That's just sad."

"Shut up guys! I dressed myself today," Emmett muttered.

"Yeah, today," Edward laughed.

Emmett was more than capable of dressing himself. Furthermore, he didn't look like a girl. He could only conclude that his Facebook Flair had served him well. After all, "I dressed myself today" ended up being the best advice he had received. If it hadn't been for that, he would be stuck wearing the frou-frou shirt.

"What is that?" Rosalie demanded once Emmett had stepped outside.

"I dressed myself today," he responded.

"I noticed. Where is your sweater?

"I dressed myself."

"I heard you the first time!"

Emmett got in the backseat of Edward's Volvo. He didn't exactly want to tell Rose that he had buried the sweater she had bought for him. Then again he had wanted to wear it even less.


End file.
